Tuesday, June 3, 2008

The Picture

Whatever I am feeling at the moment is not what I had imagined I would be feeling after seeing my biological mother for the first time.

I feel a little disappointed. Possibly ashamed. Even hurt.

I imagined that I would feel relieved or happy...Not this.

The social worker says that she can see a resemblance between me and my biological mother. I haven't seen it. I'm trying to.

I'm even having second thoughts on whether I should meet her, since I'm feeling this way. We'll see what the letter says.


This past weekend I got this strange anxious feeling...It almost prevented me from leaving my apartment, but I overcame it.

I'm tired of this feeling..that comes. You would think, after feeling it for so long, I would know what it is. I don't. Emptiness? Sadness? Restlessness?

Being forgotten or let go. Struggling to let go and struggling not to let go.

I'm trying to plan a trip to London for my vacation in July. Let's hope it works. I think I could really use a get-away adventure for a few days by myself.

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